Helping diverse minds find shared connection.

People in mixed-neurotype relationships (neurodiverse / neurotypical pairings, allistic / autistic pairings, and/or pairings where both are neurodiverse but in very different ways) are more likely to experience challenges in their communication and in experiencing empathy for each other.

The way our brain and nervous system interacts with the world around us is an important part of who we are and how we show up in relationships. Because it is a fundamental way we view the world and take in information, we are also more likely to make assumptions or assess our partner through our own neurotype, which can lead to repeated experiences of feeling unseen or misunderstood.

Your unique neurobiology is the lens through which you experience love and safety. I help partners translate their different “operating systems” into a shared language of secure attachment and loving understanding.

Incorporating neurodiverse needs, differences, and experiences into relationship therapy is crucial for finding solutions and changes that will last over time and increase happiness in the relationship.

To provide neurodiversity-competent and -affirming care means that as a provider, I have an understanding of the ways in which your personal neurotype plays out for you as a whole person and in your relationships - such as your thoughts, your sensory experiences, your nervous system, your executive functioning needs, and the impact of cultural ableism on your experience of belonging in the world.

It also means that as your provider, I believe you about your experiences and knowledge of yourself, that I actively incorporate the needs of your neurotype into our goals and strategies for meeting your goals, and that the needs of your neurotype are not pathologized or seen as less valid than a neurotypical or allistic partner’s needs.

Common themes in therapy with mixed neurotype couples / relationships

Feeling unseen or misunderstood

lack of empathy and understanding for partner’s perspective

presence of ableist assumptions or expectations

parent-child dynamics around shared labor

challenges in verbal processing and emotion expression between partners

household / daily life systems being ineffective or a source of ongoing conflict

feeling at a loss to meet partner’s needs or to “do it right”

variability in executive functioning and emotional availability

feeling defensive or attacked for neurodiversity related differences

codependency and poor boundaries

The term specialist should be reserved for providers who have advanced training and experience in their area of specialty. While I am a specialist in working with couples and family, I would not yet define myself as a specialist in neurodiversity or neurodiverse relationships. However, I would describe myself as someone who is competent and very familiar with providing therapy to neurodiverse relationships. I am also personally familiar with the experience of navigating mixed neurotype relationships.

Resources

(in progress!)